True Heroes

"Where are the heroes of today?" a radio talk show host thundered.

He blames society's shortcomings on education. Too many people are looking for heroes in all the wrong places. Movie stars, rock musicians, athletes, and models aren't heroes; they're celebrities.

Heroes abound in public schools, a fact that doesn't make the news.

There is no precedent for the level of violence, drugs, broken homes, child abuse, and crime in today's America. Education didn't create these problems but deals with them every day.



You want heroes?



Consider Dave Sanders, the schoolteacher shot to death while trying to shield his students from two youths on a shooting rampage at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Sanders gave his life, along with 12 students, and other less heralded heroes survived the Colorado blood bath.



You want heroes?



Jane Smith, a Fayetteville, NC teacher, was moved by the plight of one of her students, a boy dying for want of a kidney transplant. So this woman told the family of a 14 year old boy that she would give him one of her kidneys. And she did. When they subsequently appeared together hugging on the Today Show, even Katie Couric was near tears.



You want heroes?



Doris Dillon dreamed all her life of being a teacher. She not only made it, she was one of those wondrous teachers who could bring the best out of every single child. One of her fellow teachers in San Jose, CA said, "She could teach a rock to read." Suddenly she was stricken with Lou Gehrig's Disease which is always fatal, usually within five years. She asked to stay on job ... and did. When her voice was affected she communicated by computer. Did she go home? Absolutely not! She is running two elementary school

libraries! When the disease was diagnosed, she wrote the staff and all the families that she had one last lesson to teach.... that dying is part of living. Her colleagues named her Teacher of the Year.

You want heroes?



Bob House, a teacher in Gay, Georgia, tried out for Who Wants to be a Millionaire. After he won the million dollars, a network film crew wanted to follow up to see how it had impacted his life. New cars? Big new house? Instead, they found both Bob House and his wife still teaching. They explained that it was what they had always wanted to do with their lives and that would not change. The community was both stunned and gratified.



You want heroes?



Last year the average school teacher spent $468 of their own money for student necessities ... workbooks, pencils supplies kids had to have but could not afford. That's a lot of money from the pockets of the most poorly paid teachers in the industrial world. Schools don't teach values? The critics are dead wrong. Public education provides more Sunday School teachers than any other profession. The average teacher works more hours in nine months than the average 40-hour employee does in a year.



You want heroes?



For millions of kids, the hug they get from a teacher is the only hug they will get that day because the nation is living through the worst parenting in history. An Argyle, Texas kindergarten teacher hugs her little 5 and 6 year-olds so much that both the boys and the girls run up and hug her when they see her in the hall, at the football games, or in the malls years later.

A Michigan principal moved me to tears with the story of her attempt to rescue a badly abused little boy who doted on a stuffed animal on her desk one that said "I love you!" He said he'd never been told that at home. This is a constant in today's societytwo million unwanted, unloved, abused children in the public schools, the only institution that takes them all in.



You want heroes?



Visit any special education class and watch the miracle of personal interaction, a job so difficult that fellow teachers are awed by the dedication they witness. There is a sentence from an unnamed source which says: "We have been so eager to give our children what we didn't have that we have neglected to give them what we did."

What is it that our kids really need? What do they really want?

Math, science, history and social studies are important, but children need love, confidence, encouragement, someone to talk to, someone to listen, and standards to live by. Teachers provide upright examples, the faith and assurance of responsible people.



You want heroes?



Then go down to your local school and see our real live heroes. The ones changing lives for the better each and every day!

Now, pass this on to someone you know who's a teacher, or to someone who should thank a teacher today. I'd like to see this sent to all those who cut down the importance of teachers. They have no idea who a public school teacher is or what they do.

The "Rules"

Thought this may help some of you out...I got it from a friend and added my own two cents in :o)

I find it quite amusing! Enjoy!

Guys Facts:

When a guy calls you
he wants to be with you
*he probably left something at your house and needs it back*

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...
*he is thinking about having sex*

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong
*he is thinking about having sex OR he thinks that if he just stops arguing the girls will shut the hell up and let it go*

When a guy says, "I'm fine," after a few minutes,
he means it
*you interupted his thoughts of having sex*

When a guy stares at you,
he thinks you're the most beautiful thing in the world
*you probably have a booger sticking out of your nose OR an eye crusty that's the size of a boulder*

When you're laying your head on a guy's chest
he has the world
*he is trying desperately to cop a feel w/o getting bitch-slapped*

When a guy calls you everyday
he is in love
*he is probably a stalker OR desperate...run* (unless you're into that sorta thing)

When a (good) guy say he loves you
he means it
*First, define "good guy"? lol...OR he is trying to have sex with you*

When a guy says he can't live without you
he's with you till your done
*he is lying through his teeth to get on your good side OR he is trying to have sex with you*

When a guy says, "I miss you,"
he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else
*he misses getting affection and most especially the sex with you*

Girl facts:

When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her mind.
*she is probably really angry...run*

When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.
*check her pulse...she is probably dead*

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how long you will be around.
*she thinks you are cheating, she doesn't trust you*

When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a few seconds,
she is not at all fine.
*run...just run, don't ask questions*

When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so wonderful.
*you probably have a booger coming out of your nose or an eye crusty the size of a boulder*

When a girl lays on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
*she is trying to get close to you w/o freaking you out and making you run*

When a girl calls you everyday,
she is seeking for your attention.
*she is probably a stalker...running is a good idea here, too*

When a girl wants to see you everyday,
she wants to be pampered.
*see last response*

When a girl says, "I'll love you forever,"
she means it.
*she won't ever leave you alone...run*

When a girl says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.
*run..quickly and don't look back*

When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you more than that
*she misses you*

**NOTE this is purely for fun...if you are really in love and think I'm full of crap then oh well it's meant to be a joke...if you believe what I wrote then whoa! and if you just enjoyed this then good, that was the point!"

Love

So someone close to me and I had a talk about love one day (and no I will not say who it is). This person said that they couldn't define love because it is such an abstract concept. If that was the case, would they ever be able to tell someone they "loved" them? This got me thinking about what love really means...

The American Heritage dictionary defines love as:

-A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
-A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
-An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
-A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
-An expression of one's affection
To me love is abstract in that you cannot see it but are definitely able to feel it. When you love someone you know. How?

1. You think about them and it makes you smile.

2. They are someone you want to talk to whether you have good or bad news to share.

3. They are someone you would wake up to and smile that you are next to them (even with eye crusties and morning breath).

4. They are someone who you can share secrets with that only the two of you know about ( and you know what kinda secrets I mean-not the kind you can tell a friend).

While those are just some of the signs of love, I define it more by one of my favorite writings. Although I am Roman Catholic, I am not using my favorite writing which is from the Bible to preach to anyone. It is simply for sharing my thoughts and views and I find this passage is the best way to encompass all my thoughts on the subject of love.

"Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails"

So now you know what I think...what do you think?

Why Women Shouldn't Take Men...

..with them on vacation :o)


Boy is this guy dreaming big...





Don't think it was good for the ape either!






Is that the only way he could get some?


That doesn't seem too pleasurable for the woman.

Some Friendly Advice...

Ok..for those who don't know I was a waitress and bartender for a few years. If you've never had a job like that before, today is your lucky day. Why? cause you're gonna get dining tips from someone who knows. SO...without further ado (and in no particular order although number one is really the most annoying)....

1. We do have a NAME. "Pssst" or snapping fingers is unsufficient, as well as disrespectful to your fellow human being. If you pay attention, you'll probably hear us introduce ourself. (And if you don't pay attention to someone's name at least pay attention to what the person looks like-So many people think I am the person taking care of them when I was on the other side of the restaurant or behind the bar!!)

2. DO tip your server AT LEAST 15% (10% is not sufficient anymore folks and if they do a really excellent job of taking care of you why not bump it up to 20%???-Which is conincidentally the percentage that most people in the business START at tiping a server/bartender). If you pay a teensy bit of attention to what they're doing, you may notice that they have a bunch of other tables who think that they are the only table the same waiter/bartender is taking care of. So please, if you could just calmly wait just another minute for your friggen extra slice of lemon with your water or your extra mayonaise, you AND your waiter/bartender will be able to give you a more pleasurable dining experience.

3. If you have children, this pertains to YOU. Kids can be sweet and cute (I love them don't get me wrong--I am a teacher after all). And ok, i'm prepared to think that by throwing my sugar caddy all over the table means that they're learning the colors pink, blue and white, or being picaso with the crayons and coloring book provided for them, that's fine. I'm happy you are a good teacher. But please, clean up after your kids AND note that neither the table nor the windows are for drawing on--that's why we gave you that coloring booklet! The restaurant is not a day care center, and I don't always have the time to clean up the tornado known as your kids mess that is left behind. (Don't worry I don't need a reminder of who you guys are!)

4. If you're allergic to a bunch of things on the menu, calmly explain the situation to your server. You have NO idea how much the cooks hate it when you add this, take this out, substitute this. It especially sucks after the modifications are sent through the computer and you have forgotten to tell the person that you're allergic and wouldn't you know it the food you ordered is full of that ingredient! (So not only do we have to deal with a shitty tip if it doesn't come out the way you ordered it but we also have to deal with the cooks being pissed at us-and yes they cook our food too thank you!) Stay home and cook an allergy-free meal and save money at the same time. The wonders never cease.

5. Going out with a bunch of friends is fine and dandy. I enjoy it myself. However, when you start hearing crickets outside, the music is off, the lights have turned on brightly, and there is NO ONE ELSE in the restaurant but you guys, (and the people that work there who are waiting for you to leave so they can leave and have a life too) it's time to move on. I like to call it a "bar"-open till very late (either 2 or 4 depending on what state you are in). As far as I know all bars make their business in that fashion of people sitting around talking and drinking and they don't mind you staying because well frankly the more you drink the more money they make. Try it, you and your party will probably enjoy yourselves.

6. A server/bartender is in a restaurant because he/she works there. If it was a singles joint, then come-ons and being called "sweetcakes," "baby," and "sugar" would be great. Otherwise, you're not helping and your certainly not getting anywhere so tip well and that will suffice. (We will appreciate the tip way more than the lame come-ons!)


Ok, i realize there's only 6 items here. I'm sure there's a ton more...if you have any to add please feel free....

Some things that are...

useless but I felt the need to share...enjoy!

1. Money isn't made out of paper,it's made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.

3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle"

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily. (This is frightening).

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time ...hence, multi-tasking was invented.)

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Useful info).

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)

27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law,which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb (sign of a true civilized society ... not.)

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples! (Guess what I'm buying on my next trip to the grocery store?)

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.

Top Nine...

craziest names/signs...isn't it amazing what people think of? Enjoy nonetheless!...

Is it wrong to...?

So this weekend Mel and I go out for a girl’s night. As such, we obviously dress up cute-whether it is to attract people (not my purpose) or just to look good when going out. We go to this little pub that we have gone to once before and are just hanging out, talking, catching up, and having some drinks.

About an hour into us being there this weird guy comes around and I’m thinking he is just going to keep walking. NOPE! He stops and starts in with, “Hey ladies! My friend over there would like to buy you two some drinks, so what do you say?” First of all I say if your friend wants to buy drinks, why doesn’t he come over and say it? OK, let’s say he’s shy, what do you expect to happen once we get those drinks? I’ll tell you what…Nothing! So we say that we just got drinks (which we clearly had, but if they wanted to buy us drinks to come back in a half hour and they can JUST buy us a drink-nothing more.

Shortly after, Mel goes up to the bar to get us another round when this other weirdo comes up to her. Again offers a round of drinks. Innocent flirting and we get three shots and two drinks out of it. She tells him that she is married and he asks about me. She tells him I am her girlfriend who is also married (not true-I’m just dating but I thank her nonetheless for the comment to him!)

So it’s like one o’clock (bar’s close at 2 in Jersey for those who don’t know) and I finally have to “break the seal” so I’m heading to the bathroom and getting comments from guys left and right. As I’m about to walk into the bathroom, this big burly guy grabs my arm and says “Hey baby come here.” I of course simply say I have to pee and walk into the bathroom. I come out and he’s gone.

Whew-or so I thought. He’s waiting at the bar right near where I was sitting all night. He looks over at me and points to his ring finger. I should have probably nodded yes but stupidly I shook my head no. He then walked over and told me that he couldn’t help but notice me and my gorgeous eyes. Please! Come up with something original and not cheesy. I thank him for the compliment and he proceeds to go further talking about kissable lips and of course my “nice rack.” So he asks me if I’m seeing anyone and I tell him yes for about two years. Does this stop him from anything? Nope. He continues to work his “game” which isn’t going anywhere. He introduces himself and I give him my name. He proceeds to tell me about himself and that he’s been looking for a woman like me for a while…yaddee yaddee. He goes on to say he would love to have a dinner and dancing companion and that I’d be perfect and I should give him my number. I say thanks but no thanks. After a lot of persistence he gives up on getting my number and gives me his. (Meanwhile, behind me, Mel is conquering the foreign world of Hungarians (too funny!))

So we end our girl’s night with the fact that we aren’t going back there (the guy I talked to and he Hungarians go there every week.) There’s a point to all this…once hearing the story, someone I know asked if we had boyfriends. I said she is married and I have one of a long time. I was curious why. The person made it seem as though we were in the wrong because we were friendly and flirting. SO…here it comes…is it wrong to be friendly and flirtatious on a girl’s night out and get total strangers to buy us rounds of drinks? The way I see it, I am honest with my man and he knows I don’t cheat-I come home to him. I was also honest with the guys that tried to pick me up. Shouldn’t that be what counts at the end of the day? No one should hate :op….

My Scare

So a month ago my dad complains about having some shortness of breath. We all attribute it to the humidity and pass it off like it's no big deal. We do of course have him go see a doctor. The first doctor tells him that he has to go get a series of tests done. I guess the doctor saw something he didn't like. So he sends my dad for a second round of tests. Finally, he sends my dad to a hospital for an angiogram (which for those of you who don't know is a very invasive procedure).

So longer story shorter my dad has two majorly blocked arteries on either side of his heart. One had a stent put in and the other was too small to do anything with other than medicate, watch what he eats, and lose weight. While we were in the hospital, we found out that in the last year my dad had a mild heart attack and he didn't tell anyone about it.

Everything was fine and then all of a sudden it seemed as though my stability cracked under me. We had a house fire in my parent's house almost two years ago and have finally managed to get past it (although my parents still have scars and pain as reminders). But now, just as everything was getting back to normal, this rocks our family.

It just reminds me how precious life is and how anything can happen at anytime to shake it up. To not take life or anyone for granted. It's sad that people have to go through things like these to be grateful, but I suppose that's why everyone endures the bad along with the good...

When is the right time to....

call it quits in a relationship?

Some of my closest friends have been in long term relationships and have cheated on their significant others-sometimes on more than one occassion with different people. Should they have called it quits before they cheated? What caused them to cheat? How do we know when is the right time?

Should you do it if you are having fights? Fights-no one likes em but they are inevitable because of human nature. Everyone gets on everyone elses nerves once in a while. Everyone has their own opinion. So should you break up with someone because of fighting?

Should you do it if you want to cheat? If you are with someone, then shouldn't it be enough to be just with that ONE? Why is it that you would need another? And no I'm not talking about looking-everyone is human and if they see a good looking person, they can look. It is when one goes beyond the looking that we step over that fine line.

Should you do it if there isn't a chance of a future? Not that I'm saying that you have to be seeing wedding bells, but having some thoughts of at least some minute future with the person your with should be there. Even if it is you seeing a commercial for a movie and thinking about going to see it with your significant other once it comes out. Of course as time goes on in the relationship, I would hope it would get to be on more serious thoughts!

So anyone have an answer?....

Schools out...for the Summer!

So I'm finally done with school. So as the cliche goes...no more pencils, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks...

Anyway, excited to be starting a new position in second grade. BUT the only problem is, I haven't been able to settle into my new room. Why not? Because the teacher that used to have my classroom is still moving her crap out. So now I have to spend my summer not only learning the new curriculum and getting ready for September in between taking professional development courses, but I have to go organize and clean out my room from her crap and settle my stuff in.

There is a reason for my ranting-I promise...it brought me to think about The question of how do we know that an opportunity we partake in is indeed the correct one? Will we ever know?

Where is this coming from is what you must be thinking. Well, to give you some background, in June I was offered a position at another elementary school in the same district I am currently teaching in. So what's wrong with being offered a position? Nothing except for the fact that I already accepted the offer of the second grade at the first school.

So what's the problem? Two great schools offering me a position, I should be jumping for joy (and I was happy-to some extent). My main concern was the fact that I preferred working in the school that made the second offer (I have worked and traveled to both schools so I am able to say that I prefer one over the other). However, I cannot burn bridges with one principal or stir up trouble after all I have only been with the district for half a year. So what was I to do? After a long internal debate, talking with the parents, the boyfriend, and some confidant teacher, I sucked it up and stuck with the original school.

Even though it is not my ideal situation, I know in life we don't always get into ideal situations. I will, of course, make the best out of it and work my butt off for myself and most importantly for the kids. But once again, will I ever know if the decision I made was the correct one for me? Probably not.

So I leave you with a question...When left to make a decision, how do we know (if we even do ever know) that the decision we made is the right one?

Just How Old Are You??

How much older or younger are you? Use the link below to find out and what age you were when major events occurred. When the pop up window comes up just put in your birthday and watch what happens. Be forewarned...this gets a bit scary!

http://www.frontiernet.net/~cdm/age1.html

UGH...Cops!!

Before this goes any further, let it be known that I do not have anything personal against cops. In fact, after September 11th I only thought more highly of them...and then this morning happened....


So I'm driving along to work as usual and being good (only going 5 mph above the speed limit since theres a big truck in front of me) when I see a cop pass on the other side of me. I think nothing of it and keep on going. I then notice that he stops shortly after passing me and turns around and is now directly behind me. I slow down to the actual speed limit to avoid being pulled over and what happens???

I get pulled over!!!! I'm like what the ?!?!?! I wasn't speeding (I was even being good and doing the speed limit). I wasn't talking on my cell (no no in Jersey without a hands-free set). I wasn't really breaking any laws so why the hell is this cop pulling me over???

I pull over and put my window down, turn off my radio, and start to get my information out when the cop comes over and says "Good Morning Ma'am"...

First of all I'm not a Ma'am I'm 23 I'm not old enough to be a Ma'am, I'm a Miss! (I know that doesn't matter but I think of older women being called Ma'am and that's defintaly not me). I wanted to tell him it was a good morning until he pulled me over! But I bit my tongue and awaited my penalty.

He then proceeds to say that it's not necessary for me to get my paper work out because he thought I wasn't wearing a seat belt and that's why he pulled me over!!!

So now I'm aggravated...you waste 5 minutes of my commute to pull me over for something I wasn't in the wrong for?!?!?!!!

I know they have quotas to fill but come on stop wasting people's time when there's no need to! We do have lives and things to do, other than being pulled over because "you thought" something. Maybe that's the problem...some people are better off not thinking!

Like I said at the start it doesn't have to do with all cops, this is just a venting about an experience this morning....

Anyone have bad experiences with cops? Any thoughts on cops?

What if...

It's funny how sometimes we wonder what if certain things would happen. Here are just a few, think about it, what would you do if...


some depressing ones...

-you knew the exact date and time you were going to die
-you never found love
-you were in an accident with your family members and could only save one of them
-you had to pick between being blind or deaf
-you had to contract a disease

some happier ones...
-you won the lottery
-you never had to work another day in your life
-you could travel to any one place in the world you wanted until you did everything you wanted to do there
-you could rid the world of one of your biggest pet peeves
-you cuold make three wishes come true (and you couldnt wish for more wishes)

What if's can be as wild as some of those or as simple as what if I choose between Job A and Job B and I choose the wrong one...

So what is your "what if?"

"The One"

So what's a girl to do when she can't sleep? Well for right now-blog :oP

Went to a wake tonight for two close friends' grandfather. Was one of those weird mixed emotional moments-happy to see family of theirs that I haven't seen for a long time but for a grim reason....

Nick's brother Rj flew in from Spain (he went there because of a girl...way too Felicity-like for me). Anyway so Rj brings his new FIANCEE!! After many months of putting it off he finally asked her to marry him and they are now happily engaged.

Seeing them as happy as they are is amazing to me. To have that kind of love for someone, to look at them so lovingly. (I know mushy mush but hey I'm being a girl right now!) It made me think-....

Is there "one" person who is right for you? And if there is that "one" person, how do you know if you have found them?

AND...

What if you never meet your "one" person? Are you destined to be sad and pathetic and lonely or just jump from person to person in the endless search?

Well that's just depressing....

Alright people, I leave it to you and your thoughts....

Anyone.....?

The Brain Works in Mysterious Ways...

I got this in an email and have yet to find someone who can defy it:

Left brain, right brain. This is pretty wild.

While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off
the floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while
doing this, draw the number six in the air with your
right hand. Your foot will change direction and there
is nothing you can do about it!

What a Way to Go!

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths.So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed.As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

How Normal Are You?

You Are 50% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

A Note...

...from a penis:

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

1. I do physical labor
2. I work at great depths
3. I plunge head first into everything I do
4. I do not get weekends off or public holidays
5. I work in a damp environment
6. I don't get paid overtime
7. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
8. I work in high temperatures
9. My work exposes me to contagious diseases

And a response...(you knew there had to be one!)

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight
2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team
4. You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
8. You'll retire well before reaching 65
9. You're unable to work double shifts
10. You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

Top 10: If you got issues then........

think about the people in life that make you go "Who does that?!?!"

It is often times that people do things to make you wonder what the hell was going on in their mind. What were these people thinking? Who knows, for most they probably weren't sadly! The following is just a short list, feel free to help expand it in your comments!

10. The girl who spends 20 minutes in the locker room at the gym doing her hair, and THEN goes to work out!

9. People who stand in the middle of everyones way at a store where there is only one entrance/exit!

8. The guy that goes to the gym in jeans!

7. The girl that (anytime in life after high school) wants to celebrate every single monthly anniversary with you!

6. The guy that BELIEVES that cheesy pick-up lines always work on girls!

5. The girl that spackles (literally) on her makeup before she goes anywhere! (Then when you see her at the beach her face is melting!)

4. Guys who think girls want them to come up behind them at a club and grind all up on them!

3. Girls who try to fit into a size 2 when they are really a size 10!

2. Guys who think stalking a girl is sexy!

1. People who drive 10 miles an hour in the fast lane!