My Scare

So a month ago my dad complains about having some shortness of breath. We all attribute it to the humidity and pass it off like it's no big deal. We do of course have him go see a doctor. The first doctor tells him that he has to go get a series of tests done. I guess the doctor saw something he didn't like. So he sends my dad for a second round of tests. Finally, he sends my dad to a hospital for an angiogram (which for those of you who don't know is a very invasive procedure).

So longer story shorter my dad has two majorly blocked arteries on either side of his heart. One had a stent put in and the other was too small to do anything with other than medicate, watch what he eats, and lose weight. While we were in the hospital, we found out that in the last year my dad had a mild heart attack and he didn't tell anyone about it.

Everything was fine and then all of a sudden it seemed as though my stability cracked under me. We had a house fire in my parent's house almost two years ago and have finally managed to get past it (although my parents still have scars and pain as reminders). But now, just as everything was getting back to normal, this rocks our family.

It just reminds me how precious life is and how anything can happen at anytime to shake it up. To not take life or anyone for granted. It's sad that people have to go through things like these to be grateful, but I suppose that's why everyone endures the bad along with the good...

When is the right time to....

call it quits in a relationship?

Some of my closest friends have been in long term relationships and have cheated on their significant others-sometimes on more than one occassion with different people. Should they have called it quits before they cheated? What caused them to cheat? How do we know when is the right time?

Should you do it if you are having fights? Fights-no one likes em but they are inevitable because of human nature. Everyone gets on everyone elses nerves once in a while. Everyone has their own opinion. So should you break up with someone because of fighting?

Should you do it if you want to cheat? If you are with someone, then shouldn't it be enough to be just with that ONE? Why is it that you would need another? And no I'm not talking about looking-everyone is human and if they see a good looking person, they can look. It is when one goes beyond the looking that we step over that fine line.

Should you do it if there isn't a chance of a future? Not that I'm saying that you have to be seeing wedding bells, but having some thoughts of at least some minute future with the person your with should be there. Even if it is you seeing a commercial for a movie and thinking about going to see it with your significant other once it comes out. Of course as time goes on in the relationship, I would hope it would get to be on more serious thoughts!

So anyone have an answer?....

Schools out...for the Summer!

So I'm finally done with school. So as the cliche goes...no more pencils, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks...

Anyway, excited to be starting a new position in second grade. BUT the only problem is, I haven't been able to settle into my new room. Why not? Because the teacher that used to have my classroom is still moving her crap out. So now I have to spend my summer not only learning the new curriculum and getting ready for September in between taking professional development courses, but I have to go organize and clean out my room from her crap and settle my stuff in.

There is a reason for my ranting-I promise...it brought me to think about The question of how do we know that an opportunity we partake in is indeed the correct one? Will we ever know?

Where is this coming from is what you must be thinking. Well, to give you some background, in June I was offered a position at another elementary school in the same district I am currently teaching in. So what's wrong with being offered a position? Nothing except for the fact that I already accepted the offer of the second grade at the first school.

So what's the problem? Two great schools offering me a position, I should be jumping for joy (and I was happy-to some extent). My main concern was the fact that I preferred working in the school that made the second offer (I have worked and traveled to both schools so I am able to say that I prefer one over the other). However, I cannot burn bridges with one principal or stir up trouble after all I have only been with the district for half a year. So what was I to do? After a long internal debate, talking with the parents, the boyfriend, and some confidant teacher, I sucked it up and stuck with the original school.

Even though it is not my ideal situation, I know in life we don't always get into ideal situations. I will, of course, make the best out of it and work my butt off for myself and most importantly for the kids. But once again, will I ever know if the decision I made was the correct one for me? Probably not.

So I leave you with a question...When left to make a decision, how do we know (if we even do ever know) that the decision we made is the right one?

Just How Old Are You??

How much older or younger are you? Use the link below to find out and what age you were when major events occurred. When the pop up window comes up just put in your birthday and watch what happens. Be forewarned...this gets a bit scary!

http://www.frontiernet.net/~cdm/age1.html

UGH...Cops!!

Before this goes any further, let it be known that I do not have anything personal against cops. In fact, after September 11th I only thought more highly of them...and then this morning happened....


So I'm driving along to work as usual and being good (only going 5 mph above the speed limit since theres a big truck in front of me) when I see a cop pass on the other side of me. I think nothing of it and keep on going. I then notice that he stops shortly after passing me and turns around and is now directly behind me. I slow down to the actual speed limit to avoid being pulled over and what happens???

I get pulled over!!!! I'm like what the ?!?!?! I wasn't speeding (I was even being good and doing the speed limit). I wasn't talking on my cell (no no in Jersey without a hands-free set). I wasn't really breaking any laws so why the hell is this cop pulling me over???

I pull over and put my window down, turn off my radio, and start to get my information out when the cop comes over and says "Good Morning Ma'am"...

First of all I'm not a Ma'am I'm 23 I'm not old enough to be a Ma'am, I'm a Miss! (I know that doesn't matter but I think of older women being called Ma'am and that's defintaly not me). I wanted to tell him it was a good morning until he pulled me over! But I bit my tongue and awaited my penalty.

He then proceeds to say that it's not necessary for me to get my paper work out because he thought I wasn't wearing a seat belt and that's why he pulled me over!!!

So now I'm aggravated...you waste 5 minutes of my commute to pull me over for something I wasn't in the wrong for?!?!?!!!

I know they have quotas to fill but come on stop wasting people's time when there's no need to! We do have lives and things to do, other than being pulled over because "you thought" something. Maybe that's the problem...some people are better off not thinking!

Like I said at the start it doesn't have to do with all cops, this is just a venting about an experience this morning....

Anyone have bad experiences with cops? Any thoughts on cops?

What if...

It's funny how sometimes we wonder what if certain things would happen. Here are just a few, think about it, what would you do if...


some depressing ones...

-you knew the exact date and time you were going to die
-you never found love
-you were in an accident with your family members and could only save one of them
-you had to pick between being blind or deaf
-you had to contract a disease

some happier ones...
-you won the lottery
-you never had to work another day in your life
-you could travel to any one place in the world you wanted until you did everything you wanted to do there
-you could rid the world of one of your biggest pet peeves
-you cuold make three wishes come true (and you couldnt wish for more wishes)

What if's can be as wild as some of those or as simple as what if I choose between Job A and Job B and I choose the wrong one...

So what is your "what if?"

"The One"

So what's a girl to do when she can't sleep? Well for right now-blog :oP

Went to a wake tonight for two close friends' grandfather. Was one of those weird mixed emotional moments-happy to see family of theirs that I haven't seen for a long time but for a grim reason....

Nick's brother Rj flew in from Spain (he went there because of a girl...way too Felicity-like for me). Anyway so Rj brings his new FIANCEE!! After many months of putting it off he finally asked her to marry him and they are now happily engaged.

Seeing them as happy as they are is amazing to me. To have that kind of love for someone, to look at them so lovingly. (I know mushy mush but hey I'm being a girl right now!) It made me think-....

Is there "one" person who is right for you? And if there is that "one" person, how do you know if you have found them?

AND...

What if you never meet your "one" person? Are you destined to be sad and pathetic and lonely or just jump from person to person in the endless search?

Well that's just depressing....

Alright people, I leave it to you and your thoughts....

Anyone.....?

The Brain Works in Mysterious Ways...

I got this in an email and have yet to find someone who can defy it:

Left brain, right brain. This is pretty wild.

While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off
the floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while
doing this, draw the number six in the air with your
right hand. Your foot will change direction and there
is nothing you can do about it!

What a Way to Go!

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths.So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed.As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

How Normal Are You?

You Are 50% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

A Note...

...from a penis:

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

1. I do physical labor
2. I work at great depths
3. I plunge head first into everything I do
4. I do not get weekends off or public holidays
5. I work in a damp environment
6. I don't get paid overtime
7. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
8. I work in high temperatures
9. My work exposes me to contagious diseases

And a response...(you knew there had to be one!)

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight
2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team
4. You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
8. You'll retire well before reaching 65
9. You're unable to work double shifts
10. You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

Top 10: If you got issues then........

think about the people in life that make you go "Who does that?!?!"

It is often times that people do things to make you wonder what the hell was going on in their mind. What were these people thinking? Who knows, for most they probably weren't sadly! The following is just a short list, feel free to help expand it in your comments!

10. The girl who spends 20 minutes in the locker room at the gym doing her hair, and THEN goes to work out!

9. People who stand in the middle of everyones way at a store where there is only one entrance/exit!

8. The guy that goes to the gym in jeans!

7. The girl that (anytime in life after high school) wants to celebrate every single monthly anniversary with you!

6. The guy that BELIEVES that cheesy pick-up lines always work on girls!

5. The girl that spackles (literally) on her makeup before she goes anywhere! (Then when you see her at the beach her face is melting!)

4. Guys who think girls want them to come up behind them at a club and grind all up on them!

3. Girls who try to fit into a size 2 when they are really a size 10!

2. Guys who think stalking a girl is sexy!

1. People who drive 10 miles an hour in the fast lane!

Wisdom and Age Hand in Hand?

An old wise man once said "With age comes wisdom," is that true? Do we truly learn from our mistakes or are some of us destined to repeat mistakes until we are so badly burned that we repell from situations?

I, for example, have learned from some mistakes and am probably destined to relive some other mistakes. Why? The simple answer that many people who know me well would agree with-I'm way too nice.

Instance 1:

Seems so long ago but in high school there was a girl, we'll call her psycho (there's an obvious reason for that name!). Psycho was a good friend who I hung out with and would come over to my house. My friends and I started noticing psycho wearing clothes of ours that we were missing. When we would casually ask her, she would deny it. Why? Beats the hell outta me because none of us were mad we were simply asking her.

So psycho ends up doing the unthinkable and stealing Mrs. C's beeper. OH NO NO! No one is to mess with the people I love. And if you think you can I say BRING IT ON! We figured out that Mrs. C's lost beeper and psychos "new" beeper were one in the same when we tested out the beeper and sent a random number to it which psycho did not recognize but we did. So we get back to school and we confront psycho about the beeper. She, of course, denies it so I proceed to go off on her! She starts crying and the next thing you know we're in the vice principal's office. It is there that he beeped the beeper and she was busted!

Not only was she busted but she lost all her friends since no one trusted her. A short time after that she asked me why? I simply said you can mess with me but not the ones I love.

Instance 2:

This story was not so long ago. A friend from work needed to borrow $200 for rent otherwise her husband, baby, and her would be thrown out. (oh yea her husband spent the rent money on drugs) Me, being the good person I am, lends her the money with the thought that she is going to turn her life around and straighten up for her and the baby's sake. Nope. So now I''m $200 short and she's still in the same situation. Did anything good come out of it? I guess the fact they didn't get kicked out is good but other than that the situation remains the same.

I did learn that if people aren't willing to help themselves that no matter how much help you give them it will make a difference.

So, has my aging caused me to get wiser? Is it just the once burned twice shy theory? Or will some things never change?

For those of you who really know me, I'd love to hear what you think...

Sanity?

So this is what happens when you take a test..whether it's true or not here's some insight into my mental disorders..lol.. thanks to "Mrs. C" for the link :o)

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Low
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Fate?

Is fate something that truly exists or do people just hang onto the hope that certain things are fated to happen to give them solace?

To some degree I believe in fate. Now when I say to some degree that doesn't mean that everything in my life is already fated to happen. I still believe that although things happen for a reason, other things happen because of our decisions so we have an impact upon our own "fate."

Take for instance, the people in my life. I absolutely care for each of them and would be there for them in the blink of an eye if they needed me. Obviously some mean more to me than others but fate brought us together. After fate brought us together, it was our own decisions that made our relationship what it is.

Perfect example, after high school you tend to lose touch with everyone who you weren't really close to whether you mean to or not. Unfortunately, I lost touch with one of my best friends in my sophomore year of college. (Keep in mind that was 5 years ago). That was the last time I saw her-in New York City's Central Park, her with her ex and me with mine. I had kept her pager number but when I went to use it some time after it was no longer working. Being that the pager was the only way to get in touch with her, I lost her.

Back to the recent, my other best friend, who I mentioned in a previous blog as Mrs. C, calls me to tell me that she was on some high school website thing and my name was a post and that my best friend "Suzie," also mentioned in a previous blog, was looking for me. Mrs. C responded to Suzie and gave her my info. It wasn't long before we were talking again and catching up on the last five years (it's amazing how many things change in 5 years!!) While it was fate that Suzie and Mrs. C were both on the online high school site it was Suzie's decision to seek me out.

So what do you think? Is fate real or something we cling to?

P.S. I know this blog has gotten deeper in thought than I originally intended. Have no fear I'm sure I'll have many drunken and crazy stories as the weekend progresses :o).

Life, A Hand of Poker :op

This particular blog is for all those gamblers in my life (especially an "avid" one in particular!) , you know who you are :o)....

As the old cliche goes, in the game of life, you have to play the cards you're dealt.

But how exactly is life like a hand of poker? Well, take for instance, the game of Texas Hold'em (which is my personal fave) in which there are a maximum of ten players. Each player is unique in their own way and brings something different to the table. Whether it is the bullshit artist, the one who wears their heart on their sleeves, or the crazy one who is highly unpredictable. Those are the most common players in poker and life.

We then move on to the actual playing of the game. Each player is dealt two cards that they alone can use, this being someone's personality particular to only them which can either prove to be helpful or disastrous. The dealer then puts a "burn card" unused which is like throwing away a talent that we have without even attempting to utilize it. The next three cards are overturned for all the players to use to make their best five card hand. These first three cards, referred to as the 'flop', the fourth card referred to as the 'turn', and the fifth and final card affectionately called the 'river', are similar to opportunities (where they be good or bad ones) presented to each of us that we could either use to our advantage or simply throw away. In between the flop and turn and the turn and the river come two more "burn cards" , same as the first.

Each time a card, or opportunity, comes out it is then that we have to make decisions as to whether or not to take the chance and go with it (bet) or to not risk it (fold). "Sometimes in life we are forced to make decisions, and it's not until the cards are revealed that we know whether the decision made was right or wrong. "

Now that we have seen how each move in poker is comparatively similar to that of each in life, ask yourself, are you going all in?

Judgement Day?

If someone wears their hair with multiple colors in it, we look at them like they are a freak. If someone is in a wheelchair, we look at them with pity. If someone is fat, we look at them in disgust. But who are we to make judgements? There have been many opportunities in my life for me to make judgements but I chose not to, can YOU say the same?


-My best friend (friends first day of sixth grade), we'll call her "Mrs. C" (obviously no it's not her real name) is having an affair with a co-worker who happens to be married and she herself is married as well. Now would that be something I would do?-to be honest not at all. Do I look down on her for doing it? Hell no. Does it change our friendship? Nope, still stronger than ever especially since I am one of the only people who knows about it.

-My other best friend (friends since freshman yr of h.s.), we'll call her Suzie (again not the real name) is a full blown lesbian (now I expect none of you guys to bother me for her info...lol). She came out of the closet as a bisexual girl in our sophmore year and I was one of the first people she told. After she came out to me, she asked me if I still wanted to be friends with her. The question never entered my mind. Why wouldn't I want to be friends with her? How does her being the way she is change our friendship or what kind of a person she is (personality wise of course)? It doesn't, that's how.

-One of my ex-boyfriends, Tim, got sick with cancer. It was a grueling time where he pushed everyone away. He told me that he didn't think it was fair to me to put me through being with him through his illness. I stuck around and saw him through his chemo, his loss of weight, and hair loss. Whenever we would go out people would stare and look at him in pity and he would ask me why I was still around. Did I care that people were staring and making their own judgements? NO. Why not? The simple answer-I loved him. There wasn't a question of me leaving-EVER. Did his illness make me look at him differently? No. Why not? EVen though he had changed since we began dating, he looked different but was still the same person with a huge heart.


Call me crazy but the way I see it, no one is perfect and until someone comes along who is perfect there are always going to be imperfections in people. We can either chose to except them or chose to jude them based on these imperfections. Which would/do you do?

BULLSHIT!

Alright this must be laid out on the table. I'm so sick of the bullshit games played in life:

If you don't like someone why is it that you can't just tell them gently and honestly? Instead people would rather be 'polite' and act like they're someone's best friend-BULLSHIT!

If you have feelings for someone who you are in a relationship with or better yet want to be in a relationships with why don't you just talk to them about it? If you can't talk to them about your feelings should you even try to be or be in the relationship to begin with? -BULLSHIT!

Why do people act like they don't care what other people think of them? To some degree everyone cares somewhat about what people think of them. In today's society everything is based on appearances whether it be through outer appearances (looks) or actions (personality). So if you say that you don't care what anyone thinks of you I say...to some degree it is -BULLSHIT!

If you cheat on your significant other whether it be a boy/girlfriend, fiancee, or spouse, is it better to keep it a secret so you don't hurt them in the long run? I love when people say they don't mean to cheat or they don't know what caused them to cheat. I can tell you in one short and sweet sentence-YOU WEREN'T HAPPY. There is no other reason someone would stray away from a loved one. Think about it, if you were happy would there be reason for you to seek someone else out? NO. If you're not happy then try to fix your situation or get out of it. Cheating isn't a way out, it's a cheap ploy to stay with the 'safety net' that you have while you get to explore possibilities you could have. So if you say it's better to keep it a secret so I don't hurt them I say be honest and stop the-BULLSHIT!

Should people sugar coat their feelings or thoughts so they don't hurt someone or is it better to be honest and not play games? Is it better to not know things so you don't get hurt or better to have everything out in the open?...YOU decide

People are always gonna believe what they want...

Some background...

So I go to a party at a friends house (Marc is his name-just so I don't have to keep calling him the friend) at 1 in the morning. First of all to call the place I went to a house seems rather inadequate-more of a ridiculous place you would see on MTV's Cribs. There's a bunch of kids drinking and smoking in the basement and Marc's sister is passed out on a couch as craziness insues around her.

First of our crew to get there around 1:30 more people start coming in by 2. Drinks all around and of course out pops the poker chips! What night would be complete without those?!? All of a sudden seven people dish out 20 bucks a pop to play. I chose to let the man take the reigns as I sit back, drink, and socialize.

As I'm socializing out comes a camera phone with nothing short of scandalous pics of me and Marc making out, what appears to be me fondling Marc, and me licking Marc's nipples!-in front of my man none the less....I know what your thinking-what a slut and you'd be correct, well if it wasn't for the fact that those pics were fake! Everyone at the party believes it to be true and so I go with it. Why not? My man knows the truth, I know the truth, and Marc knows the truth...and that brings me to the whole idea that:

People are always going to believe what they want whether it's true or not so why not give em something good to believe ;o)

Random Calls

So I get this random phone call from my friend Dave who, at the time, is enjoying a nice drinking fest in the poconos with the girl he's "not seeing, not dating, but just having a good time with." Whats the random phone call for...one would think drunken call to say what's up or to tell of affection but one would be wrong.

This phone call was to ask about the rules for the drinking game ASSHOLE since none of the four people remembered how to play. The only solace I took from this call was that those four people wished I was there so there could be more fun. Ah but alas is the life of the teacher-at least on the weekdays until spring break and summer break...::sigh::